Balancing Act

When I'm on a tight deadline like this, everything in my life begins to revolve around the book. I work on it for half the day, and spend the other half of the day thinking about it. While I heat up food for my son, I'm thinking about what happens in the scene that comes next. When I stop to watch TV or read a book, I'm constantly analyzing the stories being told and thinking if there's a way I can learn from them to make my own book better. When I talk to my husband and he tells me about the computer language he's programming in for his latest research project, I'm wondering whether I've rounded out a character arc well enough, or what I could do to fix it. I think about how much is going to need to be done in edits. And then I think, oh god, right when the drafting is done consuming my life, edits for book 2 will begin to consume!!

And then I stop and take a deep breath. I tickle my son or curl up next to my husband on the couch. I keep listening to Sara Zarr's podcasts about finding balance between one's work life and personal life, and also how elusive that kind of equilibrium can be sometimes. I do hope, eventually, I can achieve that tight-rope act of balance. Maybe not right now or in the next two weeks until this book is due, but some day ;) My husband and I keep talking about this mythical oasis (theoretically sometime this summer), when his research projects for his PhD program will be in lull, and I'm in between edits, when we will take a breather, and also take care of all the things that have piled up during the crazy time, such as (but not limited to):

- laundry (oh how it has piled)
- unpacking the last couple boxes from when we moved in nine months ago
- getting our driving licenses for the new state we live in
- decorating (someday I would like to live in a place that doesn't look like I'm a transient college student)
- buy a couple of plants (kind of ties in with previous point)
- organizing all the things that we just shoved random places when we did unpack, so that I can actually FIND things when I need them.
- color my hair (which I managed to bleach after turning in book 2, but have yet to get around to coloring blue and pink)
- take off on a road trip in a random direction some weekend like the hubs and I used to do when we were back in college, preferably towards somewhere incredibly beautiful and soul-affirming. (If only there were mountains in Minnesota! Le sigh, guess a bunch of lakes will have to do).
- clothes shopping. I've gone up a size, but my clothes have not.

Deadlines

In the strange world of being a writer, happiness and sadness are generally decided by the whim of the day’s productivity. When I’m productive, I’m happy, more gregarious, and I’m all active blogging and tweeting every day. When I have a rough day or *gasp* a string of rough days where the word count only inches upwards, and painfully at that, I wring my hands, cry, and am a veritable black hole when it comes to social media.

I imagine there are healthier ways to balance all this, but I’m a debut writer just trying to figure it all out and manage to get a manuscript written on deadline.

I used to boast: I never have writer’s block. Yeah. That was before I faced professional deadlines. Now that I’m on deadlines, I write slower and rougher, and it all feels far more painful to eke through.

I realize, these are privileged problems to have. I know just how lucky I am to have a book deal with all it entails, including deadlines.

But perspective is lacking a bit while I’m in the middle of writing book 3 with a due date at the end of the month. I feel like my learning curve is straight upwards, so many days I take steps backwards instead of forward, eat way too many overly salty chips, and generally freak out on a regular basis.

The YAmazing Race & ARC Giveaway!

Welcome to my stop on the YAmazing Race with MGnificent prizes, a blog hop featuring over 50 debut authors, and prize packs that include ARCs, gift certificates, swag, and more! Click here for the complete rules!

Synopsis of GLITCH:

In the Community, there is no more pain or war. Implanted computer chips have wiped humanity clean of destructive emotions, and thoughts are replaced by a feed from the Link network.

When Zoe starts to malfunction (or "glitch"), she suddenly begins having her own thoughts, feelings, and identity. Any anomalies must be immediately reported and repaired, but Zoe has a secret so dark it will mean certain deactivation if she is caught: her glitches have given her uncontrollable telekinetic powers.

As Zoe struggles to control her abilities and stay hidden, she meets other glitchers including Max, who can disguise his appearance, and Adrien, who has visions of the future. Together, this growing band of glitchers must find a way to free themselves from the controlling hands of the Community before they’re caught and deactivated, or worse.

In addition to the ARC I'll be giving away on the race, I'm also hosting an ARC giveaway here! To enter, just leave your name and email address in the comments (+1 for entering). For bonus entries (just make a note of them in your comment):

+1 for Following this blog

+1 for Following me on Twitter

+1 for Liking my page on Facebook

Contest is open internationally, and ends on May 15th.

And last but not least,

CLICK HERE for the next stop on the race!

What it feels like a year and a half after the book deal

Just watched the pilot of this new CW show The L.A. Complex, and found that I had a huge affinity for the characters trying to break into the biz (okay, maybe without the glamorous semi-naked pool party part. Being a writer is more about pajamas, not bikinis). I've become addicted to Smash for the same reason. The thing is, being a debut author is a pretty rollercoaster journey. There are moments of amazing highs (the trilogy sold! foreign deals too!) and difficult lows (wait, you mean I have to write another book? and under tight deadlines? and then I have to write it again because it didn't come out good the first time?)

Suffice it to say, when I watch stories about artists struggling to make it, just on the teetering edge of hitting it big time or failing completely, I feel sympathetic. Part of it is, when you get the book deal, you're like a little baby fawn, all excited and stumbling around. You've made it through the rejections, the endless waiting, the shelved novels. And finally, years in the making, a book deal happens. Success!

But what I'm learning a year and a half after the deal, and wish I'd realized from the beginning, is that success is not a one time thing. It's a daily struggle, a life-long struggle really. Look at any actor or actress--there are periods when they seem to be in every other big movie to hit the screen, and then they disappear for five years. Maybe they have a comeback, maybe they don't. The thing about working as an actor or a writer is that you are only as good as your next project. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past. It matters what will next hit the silver screen (or the bookshelf in my case).

Because I want longevity as a writer. I don't want to be a one-hit-wonder. I want this trilogy I'm working on now to be the first in a long career. I see now just how exhausting and exhilarating that might be. It's like any job in some ways--every day you have to wake up and go to work. But before I was going to be published, it was all shrouded in a glittering mystique. Get a book deal and you have MADE IT! Now I see the work involved. The struggle. Most of the time I'm not too daunted by this. I remind myself that I'm lucky to be where I'm at in the publishing game, and I'll fight to stay.

Book Two By The Numbers

I have been hermited away writing incessantly for most of the Spring, but I finally turned in a new draft of book 2 in the Glitch trilogy!!!! Here's the rewrite by the numbers:

- How long it took to rewrite 75% of the book: 6 1/2 weeks

- Word count of new draft: 76,375
- Pages of deleted material for this draft alone, including first failed rewrite idea: 98
- Pages of deleted material overall for all drafts of book 2 thus far: over 300
- Number of times I left the house in the past month: 7
- Inches of roots grown out since I last dyed my hair: 2
- Amount of times I wanted to pull out all of the aforementioned hair because the draft was driving me crazy: too numerous to count

Conclusion: Writing book two is a beast. Most writers will say it, but I didn't quite believe them until I experienced it myself. I have never had so much difficulty or faced so many misteps before. However! While I'm sure there's still lots to tackle and smooth out in edits, I feel like I've gotten out a good, solid draft.

Now it's time to take care of all the things that fell by the wayside over the past few weeks. Like all those unanswered emails. And the mountain of laundry. And working on book 3, which is also due soon.

Then again, maybe I'll just take the rest of the afternoon off and catch up on The Vampire Diaries ;)

Book 2 Rewrites & ARCs Going Out

I'm finishing up a new draft of Book 2 and am learning so much about myself as a writer and what my strengths and weaknesses are. Yeah, with an emphasis on the WEAKNESSES part!

Especially when I reread my first draft of book 2 and cringe. There were parts where I tried to encapsulate these really esoteric ideas without grounding it in the physical world. Like that bad poetry we all wrote as angsty teenagers, like Your love is like the wind blowing across the solar energy of my soul!* It felt very meaningful as you were writing it, but your reader is just left saying, "HUH?"

So there has been a lot of learning and a lot of rewriting. Meanwhile, advanced reader copies of GLITCH have gone out and are in people's hands. I thought I would be cool as a cucumber during this stage. I mean, I've watched other author friends go through this, I've heard about all the hubub with reviews, I've read book blogger sites for years. I thought: okay, well, all authors know that reviews will be a mixed bag--some people will like it, others will hate it.

But I didn't anticipate the complete and total stomach-dropping-out moment of realizing, OH MY GOD PEOPLE ARE FINALLY READING MY BOOK. I almost threw up. For serious.

And then I opened up my draft of book 2 and tried to work on it some more.

And then I slammed the laptop lid closed and decided I needed to take a Save Heather's Mental Health Evening and read a good book.

*to be clear, this is an example of the kind of poetry I wrote as a teenager, not actually part of my first draft!

Deep Thoughts on Love... and Zombies

I find that the older I get, I become both more and less romantic. Less romantic in that I care less for romantic gestures. John Cusack with his boombox might strike out with me these days. But more romantic in the way that I feel more and more convinced, especially after a very rough last year, that finding someone you love and who loves you wholeheartedly in return can change the course of your life, and give the spice and emotional support to live it. Really, I don't think this is just about romantic love, but familial love and deep friendships too--people who are invested in each other and care for one another.

In literature and tv and movies, the story catalyst often hinges on love. A lone cowboy or gladiator is willing to change his ways and risk it all for a woman. A girl is willing to do anything, even if it means giving up her life, for the chance to be with her vampire boyfriend. In the Zombie apocalypse, like in The Walking Dead, love for the same woman is both a curse for one man, and a source of hope and will to survive for another. That show really makes me think sometimes. Apocalypse stories generally repel me, but that show manages to captivate me, both for the exciting zombie chase scenes, and for all the talking/feelings scenes. This season seems to be equal part of those.

Of all the supernatural stories, I can stomach zombies the least. Zombie apocalypse stories seems so hopeless, the hope for the survivors so thin. Inevitably someone you love turns into a zombie, and then you have to kill the one you love. And the hopelessness is so relentless. There’s this scene in one of Carrie Ryan’s zombie trilogy that sticks with me—the survivors are in a gated city, but the zombies just keep falling and piling up on one another until you know the pile of bodies will make a bridge up and over the gates. Or Libba Bray’s short story in the Zombies vs. Unicorns collections where the normally heartwarming parental sentiment—‘I will always come back for you’—takes on chilling secondary meanings. The scene at the end of that short-story, I can’t seem to shake, even though I read it a year ago.

I digress a bit, but my main point, which apocalypse stories and others highlight, is that the course and trajectory of your whole life can hinge on another person coming into it and love sprouting up. It’s not just apocalypse stories where love between two people gives the kind of hope to keep on keeping on. Real life feels like that sometimes too—this fight to keep your head afloat. Sometimes it’s hard to find meaning in the daily grind, but having someone who you love, having a family, provides this ground foundation that you build and nourish hope on. It’s the place where hope springs up fresh every day, enough to sustain you for this year and then the next.  I’ve been the fool in times past when I didn’t see that, but I see it now clearly, and hold tightly to the ones I love.